


Ctrl+Z

by Soybean_0514



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Drama & Romance, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:55:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23798038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soybean_0514/pseuds/Soybean_0514
Summary: I quietly whispered,"I'm home, Honey." He looked at my face and I could sense something was wrong by looking at his troubled eyes. All of a sudden, he glared at me and said, "Don't you dare fucking call me Honey." "It's always like this! I'm always the bad guy and I'm the one who has to stop! Why? Because Changkyun is the youngest and I have to shut up! Shownu, stop being a fake-ass bitch acting like you're the angel! Just fuck off!" Everybody was shocked. Shownu had always been so sweet to everyone and no-one ever talked to Shownu like that, but that wasn't why we were astonished. A sharp slap went across Jooheon's left cheek.The entire house went silent and everyone froze.Jooheon and I.M(Changkyun) have liked each other ever since "No Mercy" but were too afraid to come out to each other.Finally Jooheon confesses his feelings and Changkyun accepts without hesitation.They haven't told their hyungs, so they meet in each other's bedroom during the night to see each other.Then everything turns downhill.Changkyun is caught with another guy,their hyungs find out,and they are questioning their relationship.Will they make it through or will they need a ctrl+z to reset everything?
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Lee Jooheon, Lee Minhyuk/Yoo Kihyun, Son Hyunwoo | Shownu/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 18





	1. Two sides of a story

**Author's Note:**

> *Note* This story doesn't have a narrator it is always in Joohoney's point of view or changkyun's point of view.  
> Hi this is my first time writing a Fanfic.I really shipped these two rappers and I thought I would write a Fanfic about them in bromantic way.This fanfic is completely okay for teens to read nothing really inappropriate.By the way this story is completely made up and Seunghyun is a 100% made up.I hope you enjoy this and feel free to leave questions and I will try my best to answer them in the story as we go along I will post every Friday for 10 weeks.If there is any new ships in Monsta X you want fanfics about let me know.

1-26-2020~Joohoney

The cold air greeted me as I left the house and and started sprinting.I ran in a rush to the Bakery so I could make it in time before Changkyun came home.

"I'll take the red velvet cake."

I said as I panted from the quick run. I looked at the cake while thinking of Changkyun's bright face as I would hand him the cake. 

"Here!"

shouted an excited,familiar voice. I looked up to see Changkyun waving to another guy. "Just a friend," I thought until Changkyun ran to the guy greeting him with a big hug. I wondered who was this guy because Changkyun never greeted me like that, not even once. Then I saw them. That guy slipped his hands into the Changkyun's hand. I lost it; I couldn't handle it. I dropped the cake and started running back home. I came in slamming the door throwing myself onto my bed thinking about what just happened. Then I heard the front door open; I guess I dozed off or something because the next thing I heard was Changkyun yelling 

"I'm home!" 

Changkyun came into my room and kissed my forehead like nothing happened and softly whispered in his low voice,

"I'm home, Honey." 

It pissed me off more because hearing his sexy low voice never failed to make my heart go crazy. I hated that; it always happened regardless of whether I was mad or not. I looked straight at him and said, 

"Don't you dare fucking call me Honey."

Changkyun looked at me surprised and his eyes told me he was hurt. Changkyun asked,

"What's wrong? Did I do something wrong?"

That was the last straw. I shouted, 

"Did you do something wrong? Yes! And don't you dare try to pretend you didn't do anything because I saw you holding hands with that guy, you son of a bitch!"

I was waiting for Changkyun to answer, but before he could, Kihyun, Hyungwon, Minhyuk, and Shownu rushed into the room. Kihyun asked,

"Why are y'all yelling?"

I didn't reply because I was too busy cussing out Changkyun. I guess the fact that we were dating slipped out while we were arguing. Surprised, the four of them yelled, 

"What the fuck? You guys were dating?" 

However, we were too busy cussing each other to hear the quartet. Kihyun's patience ran out and he bellowed, 

"I'm fucking asking for the 5th time: are y'all dating?"

Changkyun yelled back, 

"No! Why would I date this clingy-ass pussy?" 

I couldn't believe it. It felt like he just shot me down with those 8 words. Stunned, I choked out, 

"Then what was the 3 years? Were you just using me as a fucking toy for amusement? Bitch, answer me right now!" 

Changkyun just stared at me until Kihyun asked once more, this time dead serious. 

"I'm asking for the fucking sixth time and you two better answer me correctly. Are y'all two dating or not?" 

Changkyun sighed and responded, 

"Yeah....." 

and hung his head, looking down while fiddling with his shirt. Kihyun, Hyungwon, Shownu, and Minhyuk looked stunned. Hyungwon grabbed Changkyun by the collar of his shirt and commanded in a dangerously low voice, 

"You bastard, you look straight at us and talk. Don't you dare look anywhere else." 

I couldn't keep it in and yelled at Changkyun once more, 

"You little bitch. You still haven't answered my question! Was I your damn boy toy for amusement? You better look me in the eye and answer correctly." 

Changkyun did as I asked and answered, 

"No! Have you gone fucking insane? Why would I use you for that purpose?" 

I looked at Changkyun and screamed, 

"Then why were you hugging and holding hands with that bitch?" 

I knew Changkyun was at a loss of words. I continued, 

"I knew it. You can't answer me." 

Right then Shownu demanded,

"Y'all both just stop. Joohoney, at least let Changkyun speak." 

It was always like this, whenever I got in a fight with Changkyun, then I had to be the one to stop. I couldn't handle it and I roared back, 

"It's always like this! I'm always the bad guy and I'm the one who has to stop! Why? Because Changkyun is the youngest and I have to shut up! Shownu, stop being a fake-ass bitch acting like you're the angel! Just fuck off!" 

Right then I felt a sharp pain on my left cheek. Kihyun, Hyungwon and Minhyuk gasped. That's when I realised Shownu slapped me. Hard. I froze there with my head still turned away from the force. I don't exactly know since when, but I was crying. Bawling my eyes out. I stood there, trying to stop myself from sobbing. I don't think it was the slap that made me cry. I don't exactly know whether I was crying because of the worried expression painted on Changkyun's face or because of the hurt pride in me. I could tell Kihyun, Hyungwon, and Minhyuk were yelling at Shownu for slapping me, but I couldn't make out exactly what they were saying. Changkyun just stood there, staring at me, kneeling on the floor, weeping in my hands. Later the four of them called Changkyun into the living room and I was left alone in my room.</p>

1-26-2020~Changkyun

I met Seunghyun at a concert and we immediately hit off. He had a really cool personality, a personality completely different from Joohoney. He was quiet while Joohoney was on the more talkative side around me. He had called me and asked to meet up so he could buy dinner for my birthday. I haven't seen this guy in like 6 months; so I was excited to see him. I guess I got a little carried away and I hugged him, and he asked if we could hold hands. Before I could answer,he slipped his hand into mine. Of course being the loyal boyfriend I am to my Honey, I slipped it right out, making an excuse about scandals. If he knew I was dating my Honey, then he wouldn't have asked such a thing. I guess we had a fun night out, but I was eager to return to my Honey. I came into the house hollering, 

"I'm home!" 

and expecting my Honey to come out and greet me. However it was Kihyun, Hyungwon, Minhyuk and Shownu who greeted me. No Honey. I dropped my stuff at the door and walked to my Honey's room. I pushed back Honey's hair and kissed his forehead for him to wake up. I quietly whispered,

"I'm home, Honey." 

He looked at my face and I could sense something was wrong by looking at his troubled eyes. All of a sudden, he glared at me and said, 

"Don't you dare fucking call me Honey." 

I couldn't believe it, all that I could think of was when I first called him Honey. Whenever I called him Honey, he smiled like he was the happiest man alive on Earth. I just kept thinking, did I call him Honey a little too much? Was the name losing it's meaning? But I snapped back in reality and I answered calmly in a soothing voice,

"Did I do something wrong Jooheon?' 

He scowled at me and shouted at me about the Seunghyun incident.Oh god, I knew he was going to think I was two-timing him.Right then Kihyun, Minhyuk, Hyungwon and Shownu came into the room. kihyun asked,

"Why are y'all yelling?" 

but neither of us could reply to his question. Jooheon was too busy cussing me out and I can't just cut him off right then and there, but I didn't have to cut him off the four of them did for me as Jooheon shouted,

"....then why did we start dating?" 

The four of them asked loudly,

"What the fuck?!Y'all were dating?!" 

Just great.Yet Jooheon was too busy cussing me out and I was too busy cussing him back out. At that moment Kihyun bellowed out,

"I'm fucking asking for the fifth time: are y'all dating?" 

By that time I was just really pissed off that Jooheon wouldn't give me a chance to talk so I answered back,

"No! Why would I date this clingy-ass pussy?" 

Watching Jooheon's face made me want to kill myself because I knew (and hopefully he knew) I didn't mean it.He was the person I loved the most, cherished the most, cared for the most. I could feel the tears coming to my eyes as I stared at Jooheon's stunned expression.He barely sputtered, 

"Then what was the 3 years? Were you just using me as a fucking toy for amusement? Bitch, answer me right now!" 

I couldn't think of anything because I remembered that I did get a little shook up by Seunghyun. At that point,I was so guilty I couldn't bare to look at Jooheon's face. Kihyun asked once more in a dead serious tone,

"This is the fucking sixth time I'm asking this and you better answer me correctly:Are y'all two dating?Yes or no?"

I hung my head down and quietly murmured,

"Yeah....." 

I knew the four were at a lost for words. Suddenly,Hyungwon grabbed the collar of my shirt and commanded in a dangerously low voice,

"You bastard you look straight at us and talk.Don't you dare look anywhere else."

Joohoney shouted at me once again,

"You little bitch. You still haven't answered my question! Was I your damn boy toy for amusement? You better look me in the eye and answer correctly." 

I was shocked that Jooheon thought of me like an actual bastard. Jooheon kept going,

"I knew it. You can't answer me." 

Shownu seemed pretty fed up with both me and Jooheon since he demanded,

"Y'all both just stop. Joohoney,at least let Changkyun speak for himself."

I guess that really pushed Jooheon off the ledge. Jooheon roared back, 

"It's always like this! I'm always the bad guy and I'm the one who has to stop! Why? Because Changkyun is the youngest and I have to shut up! Shownu, stop being a fake-ass bitch acting like you're the angel! Just fuck off!" 

Everybody was shocked. Shownu had always been so sweet to everyone and no-one ever talked to Shownu like that, but that wasn't why we were astonished. A sharp slap went across Jooheon's left cheek.The entire house went silent and everyone froze. Shownu left the house as soon as his actions sank into his brain. Kihyun, Hyungwon, Minhyuk tried going after Shownu shouting after him leaving Jooheon and me behind. Jooheon stayed still with his head still turned away. Eventually he fell to his knees and started to cry. Even though his face was buried into those small, white hands, I knew he was crying. He went from silent to whimpering in his hands.I wanted to sit down next to him and hold him close and whisper in his ear,

"It's alright.It's okay you did nothing wrong."

However Kihyun, Hyungwon and Minhyuk called me to talk.As soon as I was in hallway,I could hear them talking about disbandment.


	2. The one who cares for me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading my fanfic for any questions please feel free to write them in the comment section. If you like the work the way it is please leave kudos so I can know if I'm doing good or if there is editing needed. Thank you!

1-28-20~Joohoney,  
As I woke up, all the memories flooded into my head.Shit.The moment keeps replaying in my head-me yelling at Shownu and getting slapped by Shownu.I guess I never made it to my bed since I woke up on the floor.My head was spinning like someone was thrashing my head with a hammer. I started replaying every scene from last night-"Jooheon! I said, come and eat breakfast!".I knew I looked like a hot mess, so I walked toward the restroom until-Crash!-I looked up to see Changkyun on the floor completely soaked in water and an empty water cup next to him.I muttered a quick "sorry" and ran into the restroom and locked the door in a hurry. I looked in the mirror completely shocked to see myself with swollen eyes and a red,sore cheek.I splashed water on my face and walked out to the dining room and got greeted by all 5 members staring at me until Changkyun walked in sitting in his usual seat.His usual seat.Right NEXT to MY seat.Crap.The silence was so thick until Shownu asked,"Well Jooheon, do you have anything to say to us?"Oh dear lord, this hyung can't let me be for a damn day! Why am I the one to apologize when Changkyun was the one who was two-timing? Why am I the one who needs to apologize when it was Shownu who slapped my face?I looked straight at Shownu and said straight to his face,"In your dreams,asshole." and left.I could hear Kihyun and Hyungwon yelling after me to apologize but I was done. I went into my room and got dressed for rehearsals. As I put a sweater over my shirt, someone knocked on my door. In front of the door, there was Changkyun. He opened his mouth to say something but I didn't want to hear it. I closed the door in his face and went on to putting on my shoes. I opened the door and there was Changkyun waiting for me but I just walked past him. I mean I walked past until Changkyun grabbed my wrist and in a soft voice he asked,"Honey are you really going to keep ignoring me like that? Can we just talk? I don't think I got the chance to explain." I could tell he really wanted to talk by his pleading eyes that were now full of tears. I twisted my wrist away and growled,"There isn't anything to talk about! You hugged him! Y'all held hands! Why don't y'all kiss next time?!" Changkyun's arm dropped and stared at me speechless. I stomped out and walked into the elevator. As the elevator descended, I could feel tears coming down my face but I couldn't get caught crying by anyone so I had to get it together. Nobody was gonna catch the rapper of Monsta X crying like that. I walked into the training room and started stretching. Suddenly the door opened and the six members rushed in loudly laughing and talking but stopped as soon as they saw me. Kihyun stammered," Hey you're early?!" I muttered a quick "Yeah I guess." and went out to get a bottle of water at the vending machine. As the water came out, a familiar wrist slammed against the wall of the vending machine. Without turning around I already knew it was Changkyun. He said in his sexy low voice-which once again made my heart go crazy-."Excuse me,I just need to get a drink." right then he smiled his cute-ass smile which made my heart go crazy AGAIN.Gosh I hated that but I couldn't help but like it.Yet I was still too angry at him so I pushed him away saying,"Don't try to get near me.Just fuck off." I walked past him and walked into the restroom locking the stall and just started crying.I don't know why I pushed him off. I was so done with myself for acting like an idiot but I had to get it together because we had a comeback in just 3 months. I washed my face and walked back like nothing happened and we started practicing. We basically already knew half of the song and we were going over that half but we were a hot mess. Changkyun and I kept getting our raps wrong and didn't get any of our choreography that we had to do together right. After practice, our instructor kept asking us why we couldn't get the choreography right once. We both had nothing to say.After our instructor left, we kept practicing but we never got it right. Finally Kihyun exploded and said,"Why can't y'all get it right? I don't think we are going to be able to go home today because of y'all two!" Changkyun just went on practicing his part, not even giving Kihyun a bit of attention. It was getting really late and all the other members already left. Changkyun looked at the clock. 1:02 a.m. He looked at me and opened his mouth but I cut him off,”Well I better get going.” I left the building and walked out. It was freezing out and it was starting to snow.Just great. I didn’t have a scarf or a coat, just a thin sweater. I thought about getting into a bus but I remembered buses ended 2 hours ago. And it was impossible to grab a taxi at this hour so I was going to have to walk out in the cold. All of sudden a warm scarf went around my neck. I turned around to see Changkyun, who continued to wrap his scarf around my neck. He whispered into my ear,” It’s cold baby, why didn’t you bring a coat or a scarf? You might get a cold.” My heart started thumping and I got so frustrated because I acted like a complete asshole to him but he was still so caring for me. He continued on by hailing a taxi and shoved me in as I protested. Dumb bitch. He didn’t even have a sweater on. I sighed, thinking about everything while looking out the window. I could see Changkyun out in the cold with his usual t-shirt. Dumbass. Why is he wearing a damn t-shirt during January? When I came home, Kihyun, Hyungwon, Shownu, Minhyuk sat me down. Kihyun said in a quiet voice,”Um well, we were talking about the problems we’ve had the few days and we were kind of on the topic of, well, disbandment.” I couldn’t believe it. Kihyun continued,” We aren’t getting any better.Actually we are getting worse.” I stared at Kihyun-creak- Kihyun who called for Changkyun who answered with,”Yeah let’s talk about it.Disbandment.”  
1-28-20~Changkyun  
I walked toward the hallway to hear Kihyun whispering,”.....maybe we’ll be forced to disband.” and Hyungwon answering,”Yeah.How are we going to be a group if they break up?” I just ran back toward my room but stopped as I saw my poor honey sleeping on the floor. I went into his room and grabbed a blanket and draped it over him.I noticed his left cheek was red from Shownu’s slap. I could hear the front door opening. I knew it was Shownu and I exploded with anger as I took another glance at my poor Honey’s face.I walked out to Shownu and sputtered,”Hyung how could you slap him that hard? Have you seen his face? It’s so red right now.” Shownu calmly answered,” Because he was acting like a complete idiot. He was being a complete bitch to you. He was acting completely crazy tonight. I thought of my poor Honey who was lying on the floor as Shownu calmly took off his shoes. I growled at him,”He wasn’t being a complete idiot,he wasn’t being a complete bitch,he wasn’t acting completely crazy tonight. How could you feel no guilt?” Shownu just ignored me and walked into the living room. I stormed in my room and I dozed off. I woke up and went down to the kitchen to get a cup of water and as I entered the hallway, I bumped into Honey who looked like a hot mess. Without even helping me up, he muttered something that sounded like a sorry and ran off leaving me completely soaked. He could have at least helped me up! I quickly changed out of my wet clothes into a new shirt and new pants and went down to the dining room and the only seat left was my usual seat.My usual seat which was next to Jooheon. I sat down without saying a word. As Kihyun came out with a plate full of toast for me Jooheon staggered out looking out of place as hell.Kihyun dropped the plate,Minhyuk nearly spit out his coffee,Hyungwon dropped his newspaper, Shownu’s toast dove back into his plate. Kihyun picked up the plate and returned with two new plates of toast as Jooheon sat down like nothing was wrong. Shownu broke the silence asking,”Well Jooheon, do you have something to say to us?” Jooheon just rolled his eyes, put down his fork and answered,”In your dreams,asshole.” Then he stood up and left. I waited in front of his room until-click-the door opened. I opened my mouth to speak but Honey just closed the door in my face. I wasn’t going to give up this easily. He opened the door once more and walked right past me. I needed to talk to him so I grabbed his wrist and pleaded desperately,,"Honey are you really going to keep ignoring me like that? Can we just talk? I don't think I got the chance to explain." He twisted his wrist out of my hand and growled,"There isn't anything to talk about! You hugged him! Y'all held hands! Why don't y'all kiss next time?!" and he just walked out like that.I was so hurt.I felt like someone had punched me knocking the wind out of me. I stood there like an idiot with my mouth hanging open. I changed into a t-shirt,grabbed my coat and walked out of the house with my 5 hyungs. We walked into the building and I silently trailed behind them as they all talked and laughed loudly.In the training room there was Jooheon stretching. Kihyun sputtered,”Hey you’re early?!” He quickly muttered,”Yeah, I guess.” then walked out. I went out after him not knowing what to do once I did catch up to him. He walked toward the vending machine and pressed the combination for a bottled water. I marched up to the vending machine and slammed my wrist against the wall of the vending machine, trapping him in. He turned around startled and I whispered softly,” Excuse me, I just need a drink.” and smiled. He pushed me off and warned in a low tone,"Don't try to get near me.Just fuck off." and ran off. I knew it sort of worked on him because I saw him blush right then.Of course it made me smile once again because he was still so fuckin cute. Then I made my way back into the training room and Jooheon walked back in like nothing happened. We started practicing but Jooheon and I were always off on beats and the choreograph. I was always half a beat too fast and Honey was half a beat late. We were a big mess. Our instructor was yelling at us asking why we were so bad and not in shape. We both looked down and constantly answered with sorrys. At around midnight, Kihyun finally exploded,"Why can't y'all get it right? I don't think we are going to be able to go home today because of y'all two!" I didn’t give him a bit of attention and went on practicing.All the other members left leaving the room with just me and Honey in the room. The next time I ever looked at the clock it was 1:02 a.m. I opened my mouth to start a conversation but Jooheon cut me off,”Well I better get going.” and he stood up and left. I looked out the window and saw that it had just started snowing. It must be freezing outside, I thought until Jooheon’s outfit came into my mind. I looked at my red scarf in the corner of the room. I grabbed the scarf and ran out,leaving my coat behind. Luckily I wasn’t late and I could see my poor Honey still trying to hail a cab.I walked up behind him and draped my scarf over him. He turned around and I couldn't help but say,” It’s cold baby, why didn’t you bring a coat or a scarf? You might get a cold.” he looked at me and instantly started blushing. He looked at the floor and didn’t answer. I saw a cab coming this way so I hailed the cab and shoved him in as he tried to protest. I told the driver the address and closed the door. I sighed out of relief at the fact that he didn’t push me off again. I walked back to the building,grabbed my coat and turned off the lights and left. I walked back alone and thought back through all the memories I had with my Honey. When we went out for dinner on his birthday, when we would sneak out at midnight, when we would be the last ones left in the training room and we would talk. Those little memories that weren’t much back then seemed so precious now. When I came back into reality I just found myself at the back-alley where I asked him out. The happiest day out of my 24 years of living. I felt tears rolling down my face as my mind ran through all our memories together. I knew I had to start heading back but as I walked back with tears rolling down myself I couldn’t help it but just to take a moment and really think about the best for us. My heart started aching so bad and the tears wouldn’t stop. I finally got myself together and opened the door just a little bit. I heard them talking about it. Disbandment. My phone vibrated.The message was from Seunghyun: “I know you were dating Jooheon. I saw y’all kissing last time but I like you a lot. I was shocked that you were dating a member. But lately I’ve realized that you seem to be liking me too. So do you want to date? About Jooheon well I’ll push him off for good.so what do you say?” This bitch. Complete bullshit. I blocked him on my phone and deleted his number. I opened the door and thought what was going to be the best for Jooheon. He made it clear that he wasn’t mine anymore. Then a thought went through my head, was I being too greedy. As Kihyun called me to the living room, I came toward them and said,”Yeah let’s talk about it.Disbandment.”


	3. A pool of thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may be crappy and a bit short but I promise it will get better soon.

1-29-2020-2:07~Joohoney  
I looked at Changkyun in disbelief. He was trying to give it all up so easily? Didn’t he remember the hard time he had trying to adjust into our group? How difficult it was to debut. How mentally violent everything was just to debut. Before even 5 years passed since debuting we were going to… I was so frustrated and tried to reason with the members.However they just shushed me and said,

” Well do you think we can still be a group even after y’all two break up?”

I had nothing to say back. I just shut my mouth and just listened to them talk. Kihyun was going to be fine since he could continue as a solo artist. Shownu is always fine in any situation. Minhyuk could literally live off of just making videos and uploading them on the web. Hyungwon already does modeling and acting. Wonho has been interested in acting and producers were willing to take him. What was I going to do? Even worse, what about Changkyun? He was always the little kid who couldn’t figure everything out on his own and needed help here and there.I could hear all the members talking about how they would bring it up to their company. Then Changkyun broke into my thoughts with his deep voice,

”Ok it’s going to be best if we tell the company as early as possible so what about next Tuesday?”

The team members agreed and I didn’t say anything and dove into a pool of thoughts but Kihyun drained the water out of the pool,” We’re going to sleep.Go to your room.” I stood up and walked into my room. I laid down but I once again dove into the pool of thoughts. I stayed awake until it was early in the morning that the sun would be creeping up on the horizon. I knew I was going to need sleep so I forced myself to shut my eyes tight so it could at least help.

The next thing I knew was Wonho softly shaking me to wake up,”Jooheon wake up. It’s 7:45. Jooheon are you sick? Do you not feel good?” Minhyuk asked Wonho,”Is he still not waking up? LEE JOOHEON WAKE UP YOU ARE GOING TO BE LATE!!!!!!” 

I suddenly shot up (scaring Wonho) and walked out to the bathroom and started to get ready as I heard Minhyuk in the other room annoying Changkyun to wake up. Changkyun, still half-asleep, walked in through the open bathroom door and calmly started to wash up in the sink next to mine. We didn’t say much of anything to each other and went on with whatever we were doing. This kept going on for another week, everyday similar to the one before. Before we knew it, it was Tuesday. D-Day. I haven’t used that sickening word since “No.Mercy” but in 5 years I’m finally using this word again.

I walked out of my working studio toward the office and patiently waited for our 1:30 meeting. Soon the rest of the members came and we were called in. Kihyun and Shownu did most of the talking for the group.Then a sharp question came flying,” So what exact reason is it that made y’all really want to disband?” We all kind of froze there because we hadn’t realized that our “reasons” had been more like excuses-which they were-so we stood there in place. Kihyun stammered more excuses but no-one was seeming to buy it. Changkyun looked at me and although he didn’t speak I knew what he meant I gave him an approval and Changkyun stood up,

“Okay please just hear me out. I was dating Jooheon. Yes, you heard me right. As I said WAS dating Jooheon.We broke up so it’s obvious about us being a group.”

I will never forget the look on our manager’s face. He went completely pale and froze. I confirmed the truth and he called up our boss and explained the situation.We were immediately called in and we once again confirmed it.Surprisingly it was taken in very well by everyone. We were understood and we were going to announce it in 2 weeks. We walked out and we all kind of separated as if all going our own ways. I walked into my bedroom and took out my phone and called my mom,

“Mom?”  
“Yes Honey? Why are you calling/ Is everything fine?”  
“I…...I...well we...we-Is dad next to you?”  
“Yes Honey what’s wrong?”  
“I..we disbanded.”  
-Silence-  
“What happened?”  
“I dated-*sniff*- Changkyun. I couldn’t help it.I loved him.He was the first person I ever loved like that. I swear. I really loved me and I don’t regret it.”  
“Honey….I’m not disappointed in you...We aren’t disappointed.To us it proves you are a strong person by telling us the truth. We still love you. We aren’t mad. We aren’t disappointed we are just as proud of you like we were the day you were born.”  
“I’m coming home tonight mom and dad. I love you, thank you for always understanding.”

I walked around throwing things I needed into my bag and walked out. I hailed a taxi and got to the subway station and bought a ticket.I looked back and thought of just everything that happened today. The subway came and I got in and stood toward the corner. I could feel people staring at me and wondering if it really was Monsta X’s Jooheon that was riding in the subway. I came home at 10:28 and my mom was waiting for me.I looked at her and felt a wave of emotions crossing me. I walked up to her calmly like nothing was wrong.I forced a smile on and talked more seriously with my parents about everything. I told them I was fine and didn’t regret anything. I went to my old bedroom and tried to sleep but I couldn’t.Images of Changkyun floated through my head forcing me awake.I stood up and creeped out. I was sitting under a tree when I felt a tap.I turned around to see her. My best friend since I was six. Her face hadn’t changed at all.

”Hey Sohee.”  
“Hey Jooheon.Why are you out?”  
“Why are you out?”  
“Guess we are on the same page then.”  
I nodded in a response.  
Sohee looked at me knowing something was off.  
“What’s wrong? You okay?”  
I couldn’t control my emotions and started to cry.I grabbed her waist and cried as I hugged her, my arms around her waist.I kept sobbing into her sweater fully covering my face.I knew she could understand me without me explaining.I stayed like that as she gently stroked my hair not pushing me off.  
“I don’t know why you are so emotional but I just know it’s bad.”  
I nodded,”I’m a bitch.A complete bitch.”  
She nodded back.Not saying anything but understanding me.  
“Sorry it’s just I really needed to get everything out.I kept it in a little too long.”   
“It’s fine.You feel better now?”  
“Yeah and I should head back.”   
“Ok good night.”

I walked back feeling better but I couldn’t get Changkyun’s image out of my head.His sweet smile,his cute dimples and his flirtatious attitude he always had with me. All of a sudden something came into my mind and made me scramble out of my bed once more. I scrambled to my jacket I wore today. I started digging through all my pockets but I couldn’t find it. It must have fallen out of my pocket as I was walking. I kept digging through all my pockets but I couldn’t find it. Damn it.

1-29-2020-2:07~Changkyun  
I really thought about my journey through “No.mercy” all the way until now. I thought about how hard it was trying to get one person to talk to me in “No.Mercy”. I thought about how everyone left the room when I walked in like I was a contagious disease. The guy no-one liked until Jooheon talked to me about his feelings. That day for the first time in a while I felt like someone, not just a weak outcast that no-one liked. But I knew trying to hold Jooheon was just the usual Im Changkyun being greedy. Come on, Im Changkyun, why are you so needy for attention and love from someone? Just live like you used to. Put your head down, shut the fuck up and just sit in the corner like you used to.Know your damn place. Don’t be stubborn and let it go. You’re the one who ruined it anyways. Why are you the one to ruin everything? So let’s do it, the last thing I can do for my team.

”Ok it’s going to be best if we tell the company as early as possible so what about next Tuesday?”

Agree with the decisions they make. Think of suggestions that help their decisions.

As they all agreed, one by one we started to leave to our rooms. I threw myself onto my bed and thought about what I could do after disbanding. There weren't many things I could do but there would be at least one thing I could do. I laid down with my thoughts and thought about possibilities until I fell asleep.

“WAKE UP! IM CHANGKYUN WAKE UP!!!!”

Startled I woke up to find Minhyuk by my bed hollering at me.I got out of my bed to the restroom.Jooheon was in there washing and getting ready. I knew better than to annoy him so I walked past him to the sink next to his. I got ready and left to my room silently. It seemed like such a long week but soon Tuesday was here.I walked into my manager’s office.

We talked about disbanding as our manager quietly listened. I could hear Kihyun and Shownu babble out random excuses.I saw that our manager wasn’t buying any of our excuses. He asked us the killing question,” So what exact reason is it that made y’all really want to disband?” I knew we weren’t going to be able to drag this on any longer. I looked at Jooheon who had his head bowed, looking at his hands. We made eye contact and I silently asked him for approval on my next action. He nodded in the tiniest way. I mouthed at a small “sorry” toward Jooheon. I was going to do it and I’m going to let Jooheon go. I looked at our manager,

“Okay please just hear me out. I was dating Jooheon. Yes, you heard me right. As I said WAS dating Jooheon.We broke up so it’s obvious about us being a group.”

Our manager was at a loss for words and quickly left the room with his phone. We got called in by our boss. We were understood pretty well and were told the date to come and announce and by when we had to clear out our dorm. We walked out and as the door shut we looked at each other. A mixed feeling of sorrowness, regrets and relief hit me as we went our separate ways. I walked to find a circular, silver item on the floor. I kneeled down and I realised what it was immediately. I grabbed the ring off the floor and walked out of the building.

When I arrived in the dorm no-one was there but me. I walked into my room and looked around. I collapsed on my bed and took out the ring. I took off mine that was on my thumb and put the two together. They connected,forming into one ring. I looked at the bottom where it read Jooheon on mine and Changkyun on his. I had an empty feeling in my chest and sat on my bed staring at the two rings. I went into Jooheon’s room. It felt so out of place standing there but yet too familiar. I knew he probably had left for his parent’s house but it felt as if he was here next to me. I found his accessory box and opened it. There were many earrings,chains and I placed our two rings in the box that blended in to just look like one of his many accessories. Our love had just blended into just another heartbreak like the other millions that was out in the world.


	4. Our story

1-30-2020~Joohoney  
I woke up to look up at an unfamiliar ceiling. My mom shouted from the kitchen, “Jooheon wake up!” I rubbed my swollen eyes which wasn’t a surprise anymore since they have been the same way since the last two weeks. I sat up in my blanket and stared at the wall and thought about where my ring could be. Did I drop it? Did I leave it in my dorm? I walked into my restroom and washed my face and brushed my teeth.I left the house in my sweater,cap and sweatpants to a nearby convenience store. I walked in toward the counter and asked for a pack of cigarettes handing him my I.D.

I walked back out and bumped into Sohee. We walked to a nearby cafe and sat down. She questioned me, “So now what are you going to do? I mean like you know for a living.” I responded while looking at the menu, “I don’t know but I want to take a break from...you know like singing and rapping.” Sohee nodded in understandment. We walked out after grabbing a drink and having a conversation of what exactly I was going to do. I walked back home alone and sat my parents down, “I’m not working as a kpop idol anymore.Sorry.” My dad rose from his seat about to hit me as my mom sat him down. My dad hollered, “You little punk! You’re really going to give up that easily? You spent 6 years as a trainee!” I apologised, “Sorry dad but I don’t want to.” I went back into my room and turned on my laptop. I bought a ticket for Seoul so I could go and get my stuff as soon as possible.

I walked up to my dorm and opened the door and walked in. I strode to my room ignoring Changkyun and Kihyun who were laying on the couch and the floor while watching videos on instagram and Youtube. I walked into the hallway and grabbed some of the boxes lying in the living room that Hyungwon and Minhyuk were grabbing to pack their things. I walked into my room and started packing my clothes. I packed up all my hats, clothes, and my box with all my earrings and chains.And rings. I quickly opened the box and found my ring there tangled with several of my chains and earrings. I took out the jumble of jewelry and sat down leaning against the wall trying to untangle the ring out. I sat there for 30 minutes trying to untangle it. After for what seemed like forever the ring fell out of the tangled chains. I picked up the ring putting it onto my ring finger. I hastily stuffed the rest of my chains back into my box and put the box along with my other belongings. I picked up the other ring and put it into Changkyun’s bag which was lying at the entrance of his bedroom. I got a call from my friend that he was here with his car. I put all the boxes at the entrance and closed the door to my room. I helped put all my boxes into his trunk and we drove off.

4-22-2022~Joohoney  
It’s been two years since I’ve disbanded and I couldn’t-well more like I haven’t contacted any of them. I opened my mail box and found a letter addressed to me. Surprisingly it wasn’t bills, it was from Shownu. I tore open the letter and it was an invitation. A wedding invitation.It read,

“Son Hyun Woo and Seo Yeon Ji's Wedding  
May 25th at Seoul Catholic Church  
11:30~1:30”

There was more information but I didn’t really care. There were probably going to be all my members and Changkyun. I stuffed the invitation into my pocket and walked into my apartment. I layed on my couch thinking about what I was doing with my life right now. I went from a famous kpop idol to a barista in a cafe. I took out the invitation and threw it into the wastebasket.

I woke up lying on my couch and assumed that I must have fallen asleep on the couch. I looked at my phone which read 6:48 a.m. I got up and changed into my uniform. I got ready for the day and walked out to the cafe. I got in by 7:15 and got to cleaning off the floors. I turned on the TV in the corner of the cafe that was purposed for music rather than TV programs. I went to my ipad and went onto a morning mix. I turned on the “Open” sign and walked into the counter. I sat down onto a chair and got out my phone. There weren't many customers in the morning so I was going to be free for the next 2-3 hours. I looked through my notifications when something caught my eye. I heard Changkyun’s voice. The voice I’ve been refusing to listen to for 2 years. I walked up to my ipad lying on a shelf underneath the TV. I turned it on and read the title, “Our Story” I quickly skipped the song, not wanting to think about him again. It wasn’t like I still hated him but it just made me weak when I thought about him. I went on with my regular schedule and left by 6:30. My phone chimed and I got a text from Sohee:

“Can we meet babe?Just a quick walk around my neighborhood.” I texted a yes and went to her house. I was a bitch for this but I’ve been dating Sohee for a year and a half now. However it wasn’t like I loved her as much as I did with Changkyun. I mean I loved her but it wasn’t the same feeling I had with Changkyun. I guess our relationship started because I just needed to get Changkyun out of my head. I sighed as I waited for her to come out. I was scrolling through a bunch of news articles on my phone and caught Changkyun’s name in the midst of my scrolling. I scrolled back searching for his name and found it. “Im Changkyun wins 1st on the charts with his new song Our Story” I read through the article until someone tapped my shoulder. I turned to see Sohee who smiled at me. As I walked with her through the streets all that was on my mind was Changkyun. Come on Lee Jooheon you were fine for 2 years why are you backpedaling? As Sohee asked questions and talked, I just gave her quick answers like yes,fine,sure. I was too busy thinking about Changkyun. We soon reached Sohee's house and she complained, “What’s wrong? You’ve been so unenthusiastic today.” I looked at her and answered like nothing was wrong, “Oh I was just thinking about something.Sorry.” I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and started to make my way back home.

3-27-2020~Changkyun  
It’s been a month and 2 weeks since we disbanded and I still can’t believe it. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy by unpacking my things into my new apartment but I couldn’t stop thinking about Jooheon. I’ve tried everything to stop thinking about him but I couldn’t help it. I’ve just been drinking non-stop. It helped though-well at least for a little bit. While I was drunk anyways. I laid on my couch and looked out the huge window in my living room. I looked out to the grey sky while rain drops plotted down my window. If I haven’t met Seunghyun at that concert. What if I hadn’t felt like going to that concert that night. My mind was filled with what ifs to see different outcomes. It wasn’t like this was going to be fixed but I didn’t really care. I thought about contacting him but he probably blocked me by then or I would end up chickening out. I regretted how I never gave much to Jooheon. It seemed like it was always Jooheon who gave and gave until I messed it up. I got a text on my phone.

“Hey, you want to meet up tonight? I don’t know I just feel empty today…” I texted him a yes and started out the door. I was still drunk but not drunk enough to be passing out. Ever since disbanding I’ve kinda been getting good at drinking. I used to hate alcohol and couldn’t hold up well but now I could go up to 8 bottles a day. I walked out with my umbrella and trudged slowly to Kihyun’s house. I went to the address he had sent me and knocked. I was amazed that Kihyun had gotten himself a pretty big condo. I walked in and Kihyun smiled. He was in his living room drinking too. I gave back a weak smile but I knew that he knew I was not in a good state. He greeted, 

“Hey Changkyun. I just wanted to... you know have a drink and talk about things.” I nodded and sat down. He asked me about how we started our relationship and if I was really cheating on Jooheon. I promised,”Hyung I wasn’t cheating and I was gonna tell you someday I just didn’t get the right timing. I swear.” He assured me, “I know Changkyun. You aren’t like that normally I assume you had your reasons.” I couldn’t keep in the emotions anymore they were overflowing. I bit my lip, “I feel so pathetic but I can’t help it. Jooheon is still on my mind and I still can’t talk to him. It’s not like I can go find him since God knows where he is. I swear, I didn’t know I was gay either. I never loved someone the way I loved Jooheon. He just hit differently. I haven’t been able to see his face for a month and a half and I think I’m going to go insane if I don’t see him soon. For the past month and a half, all I’ve been doing was drinking non-stop trying to ease the pain but I can't. I just….” And then the tears came once again. I made through tears, “You know what, I saw it. Jooheon was wearing it.” Kihyun rose from the couch and squeezed me tightly. I threw my arms around him and sobbed into his jacket. We stayed like that until I fell asleep in Kihyun’s arms.

I woke up completely hungover lying on the floor with Kihyun drunk on the couch. To my surprise, there were 16 bottles of alcohol empty on the table. We had cleared off 4 bottles of wine, 7 cans of beer,12 bottles of soju. I immediately felt a wave of nausea from all the alcohol and ran to his restroom. Soon Kihyun came in clutching his stomach and asked, “Do you remember what you did yesterday?” I looked at him with a look of confusion, “What did I do.” He sighed, “You fell asleep for like 30 minutes maybe, and woke up bringing every bottle of alcohol you could find in my pantry.” I apologised and grabbed my bag and put on my cap. I yelled toward the restroom, “I’m going Kihyun hyung!” Kihyun rushed to the door, “Don’t be drinking around everyday because of your heartbreak okay?” I lied, “Okay.” and walked out the door. I walked through the streets when at the end of the street, I saw a familiar person. I saw him walk into the cafe at the corner of the street. However I realized he was wearing a cafe employee uniform. I looked up to the sign on the cafe which read, “Traveler”.


	5. Get a hint

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was uploaded a little late! I was kind of working on my new fanfic "Just two weeks" and school has kind of been taking priority. However, school just ended this week so I'm officially in summer break which gives me tons of time to write and continue on fanfics. As usual, thank you so much for taking time to read my fanfics! I promise I am still working on trying to get my fanfics better so stay tuned! Don't forget to leave kudos and comment and if you would like to get notified every time I post, subscribe!

5-25-2022-Joohoney

I swore to myself I wasn’t going to go to Shownu’s wedding but here I was getting ready. I was torn in which direction I should go. Should I go or should I not? I stood in my room thinking whether Changkyun would be there or not. Changkyun would probably be there and the rest of the members and I knew I was only going to break the mood. I promised myself I was only going to write a letter, somehow manage to give it to him, and get the hell out of there. I quickly wrote a letter congratulating him and left the house.

The wedding was at a nice, upscaled venue.. As expected, I saw all the members including Changkyun there. I was seriously considering walking out on that spot but I couldn’t. I took the envelope with the letter in it and quickly walked to the box, filled with many other letters. I put the envelope in and quietly sat in the most back row and watched through the entire ceremony, planning to leave as soon as it was done. I saw all the members as the groomsmen and couldn’t help but feel left out. I mean, I was invited but I had to turn it down. I didn’t have enough time to be going to all the events they had planned. As soon as the ceremony ended, half of the people stood up and rushed to meet the newlyweds as I made my way to the door. Right then, I was stopped by Hyungwon who blocked me off. 

“Haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Oh...hi hyung.”

“Did you not get my messages or did you just not read them?”

“Sorry, I’ve been kind of busy.”

“Mmhmm.”

“I swear, I’ve really been busy.”

“You have been so busy for two years straight that you couldn’t take two minutes to text me back?”

“I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you.”

“Then I hope to see you at the reception.”

“Hyung, wait-”

“I’ll see you at 7:00.”

He left me standing at the door. I really didn’t want to go to the reception because I knew Changkyun would be there and I didn’t know what I would do alone. I went home and laid down on the couch. Right then I got a text from Hyungwon hyung.

“You better be here at 7:00! Can’t wait to see you!”

“Okay.”

I had replied with an “okay” so there was no going back. I didn’t want to let Hyungwon hyung down too so I had to go. Why didn’t I just decline the first time he asked? I sat back up and drank a glass of water and thought,  _ I’ll just be there for an hour. I’ll just say hello to everyone (but Changkyun) and leave. _

Soon it was seven and I headed to the address Hyungwon had sent me. As soon as I walked in, I realised it was crowded with people. I made my way to an empty table and saw the members,

Shownu-Holding hands with his wife.

Wonho-Around a bunch of guys who were talking about his biceps.

Minhyuk-Partying with friends.

Kihyun-Reaching for Minhyuk’s glass of alcohol.

Hyungwon-Making his way toward me.

Changkyun-Bunch of women trying to talk to him and flirt as he continues to drink.

I had to admit, Changkyun did look pretty nice today. He had glasses, a white,satin dress shirt with his necktie a little loose and his hair pushed back. Seeing him again just made feelings from years ago come back to life. I sighed and took a drink gulping it down. Hyungwon took a seat next to me. 

“Why didn’t you want to come here?”

“Because, I felt that they wouldn’t want to see me.”

“You realise how much I’ve missed you?”

I shook my head in response.Shownu had spotted me across the room and smiled. He ran over with Kihyun delighted to see my face. 

“Oh my God! Jooheon! I didn’t know you would come to the reception!”

“I missed you so much! How have you been?”

“Fine. I missed you too.”

Hyungwon mouthed,  _ Told you. _ Minhyuk saw me too as he walked over.

“Hey Jooheon! So nice to see you!”

Kihyun lectured,

“Minhyuk, stop drinking! You’re drinking too much.”

Wonho’s eyes grew large with happiness as he made his way to me.

“Jooheon! I was so worried about you! Why didn’t you text me back? Nevermind as long as you’re fine, I’m fine.”

I realised that I had made everyone so worried. Right at that moment when I was about to answer, Changkyun stood up from his seat (which was around a bunch of women flirting around him) and roamed over to the table. I held my breath hoping him to pass by but he sat in the empty seat to my right. All the members stared and gawked at him because we all knew what had happened. He drank a glass of alcohol in an instant. I knew he had gotten better at drinking because normally he would have passed out by then. He swirled his glass of wine as we all talked about what we had been doing these days. My mind was only set on how close Changkyun was to me. Because of him, all my emotions I had locked away were rushing back to get me. I couldn’t help but notice how sexy he was in that satin shirt and velvet blazer. He was driving me insane but I washed down those thoughts with alcohol. Later, Shownu was back with his wife and Kihyun had left the table to chase after Minhyuk who was going crazy with the alcohol today. Wonho was talking with Hyungwon still trying to convince him to start working out. By my 8th glass, Changkyun grabbed my wrist, stopping me from drinking.

“Come on, you’re drinking too much.”

“I’m fine.”

“Clearly you’re not. Your face is already red.”

“I said, I’m fine. Leave me alone. I’m a grown adult and I can drink if I want to.”

“You can drink but you can’t hold up that well.”

“Says you. Last time I checked, you were complete shit at drinking.”

“I think I’m holding up pretty well for 2 bottles of wine, a couple shots of vodka and tequila.”

“Oh shut up. No one asked if you were good at drinking.”

“Technically, I think you did. You said I was complete shit at drinking so you did ask.”

“Whatever. I’m done with trying to talk to you.”

“As you wish.”

I rolled my eyes as I cleared off another shot. He got up as one of his friends called him. I staggered out to clear my head. I leaned against a wall in the back when I heard a sickening voice. It was Jaehee. The person I hated more than anything in this world. 

“Hey Jooheon.”

“Fuck off.”

“Why are you so rude? You know what? I actually like this side of you better.”

“I said fuck off, you asshole.”

“Come on. I know you loved me once before.”

“You’re one delusional piece of shit.”

He leaned in toward me and I was hating every moment of it. I was trying to push him off but I was a little weak from all the alcohol. My head was hurting and spinning so bad as I attempted to push away. However it was no help. He pinned me onto the wall and I was going to be forced into something I didn’t want to do. I closed my eyes as he went straight for my shirt and reached for the buttons on my dress shirt. Right when he came in closer a voice interrupted,

“Sup bitch? Needed someone to make out with? You really are a slut.”

I looked past Jaehee to find Changkyun lighting a cigarette. He pulled off Jaehee and warned in a dangerously low tone,

“Fuck off bitch. No one wants you here. Get a hint dumbass.”

Jaehee nervously stepped off back into the building. I fell to the ground hating this situation so much. I felt so pathetic as I crouched on the floor biting my lip to hold back emotions. With the cigarette remaining in his mouth he proved,

“I thought I told you to stop drinking. Look at what happened now.”

I muttered sarcastically,

“Are you satisfied now that you’ve proved your point?”

“No, I’m saying, what if you were drinking at a place when I wasn’t there and he showed up. You become so weak when alcohol gets you. Normally people get more energetic with alcohol in them.”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Why can’t I care?”

I was speechless. I regained myself and stood up. 

“Because you’re my ex and you should be hating me every single moment. Because I hate you. Because I don’t care about you now. Because we are now just strangers.”

He raised an eyebrow, not believing a single word I said. He smirked,

“Nice ring you got there. Where is it from?”

I turned toward the door and stomped back in without saying a word. I told all the members I was tired and wanted to go home. They all agreed since it was getting late. I hailed a cab for a ride home. I looked down at my hand as Changkyun’s words lingered in my ear. I hated to admit it, but he was completely right. Like always. 

5-25-2022-Changkyun

I dressed in a satin, white dress shirt and grabbed a navy velvet blazer off the futon. I left the house knowing Jooheon wasn’t going to be at the wedding. According to Shownu, Jooheon turned down his invitation which made me sort of relieved. I got into my car driving off to the venue. I arrived an hour earlier so I could help with whatever I could help out with. Kihyun was already there which wasn’t that surprising knowing that he’s always early. Wonho arrived with Minhyuk a few minutes after me. We helped move vases and lit up some of the candles. We talked with Shownu, rehearsing everything. Hyungwon arrived 30 minutes later than everyone like usual. When we were done setting everything up, we all collapsed on a couch from exhaustion. Right then, the first guest came in and I thought I was going to throw up. I gagged as I saw Jaehee. That two-faced snake. Shownu greeted him along with everyone else but I couldn’t bear to even look at that bastard’s face. I remembered him from years ago. He had always been interested in me and Jooheon and was always getting in our way. I rolled my eyes and walked out to the restroom. As I washed my hands Jaehee approached me. I was hating every little cell in him as he opened his mouth to speak. 

“Hey, why didn’t you greet me in the other room?”

“Because I didn’t want to?”

“Where did your manners go?”

“Oh please. Use that thing that’s attached on the top of your neck. It’s not for decoration, there’s a way to use it.”

“Playing hard to get? Honestly, I didn’t know you looked that sexy with glasses, Changkyun.”

“I know I do. If you want a guy so badly, I’ll give you a marker so you can try and write “Desperate”. It’s obvious that you’re really needy.”

“Catch you later then.”

Ugh. I was so disgusted from just talking to him. That conversation was absolutely revolting. I left the restroom, angry. Kihyun grabbed me as soon as he saw me in the hallway.

“Changkyun! Come on! The ceremony is about to start!”

He pulled me into the other room. I stood with the other members completely exhausted just from helping out and talking to that bitch. Kihyun kicked my shin and muttered,

“Smile.”

I plastered a fake smile hoping this ceremony would end quickly. 

Soon the ceremony ended and everybody walked toward the newlyweds but I could see someone walking toward the exit.  _ Interesting _ . Hyungwon quickly slipped out from our group toward the door. I watched as they both left the room. Wonho sighed,

“I guess Jooheon didn’t come even after I begged him to.”

“Mmhmm.”

I assumed Hyungwon and I were the only ones who had spotted Jooheon and played along. Shownu added,

“He’s so stubborn. I begged for him to come but he kept saying no. I wish he could have come.”

I thought, _ well your wish came true.  _ I waited for the ceremony to end as Jaehee hung around near me. That little bastard was always acting so innocent in front of everyone but such a bitch in front of me and Jooheon.

It was time for the reception and I was so tired today but Kihyun wouldn’t let me stay. Jooheon was NOT going to be at the reception so I knew for sure I was safe. I walked into the venue where Wonho greeted me. I looked down to Wonho’s biceps about to burst through his blazer. He soon walked off to join a bunch of men who started asking questions about working out. I sat down at an empty table. Soon a bunch of women crowded around me, offering to buy drinks. Jaehee once again approached me,

“Aren’t you popular?”

“Fuck off.”

“Well I have some news that you would like.”

“Don’t want to hear it.”

“Even if it’s about your little boyfriend?”

I turned my head to face him.

“I knew that would get your attention.”

“What is it? Spit it out.”

“Isn’t that your boyfriend over there?”

I glanced to where he was pointing and he sure was right. I rose from the crowd of women around me and walked over, sitting myself down next to him. Jooheon looked at me shocked. I cleared off a shot of tequila and listened to everyone talk. Wonho was working as a producer, Kihyun was a solo artist and was going to have an album with Hyungwon soon, Minhyuk had been working as a Youtuber and I had just been a rapper. We all turned to Jooheon who said he had been busy with “stuff”. In easier ways, he had been busy working as a Cafe owner but was too embarrassed to talk about it. Later Shownu retreated back to his wife and Kihyun chased after Minhyuk who was drinking more than he should be. Hyungwon and Wonho had left the table to get more drinks and now it was just me and Jooheon. He kept drinking but I could tell he was getting drunk. I grabbed his wrist, stopping him from drinking.

“Come on, you’re drinking too much.”

“I’m fine.”

“Clearly you’re not. Your face is already red.”

“I said, I’m fine. Leave me alone. I’m a grown adult and I can drink if I want to.”

“You can drink but you can’t hold up that well.”

“Says you. Last time I checked, you were complete shit at drinking.”

“I think I’m holding up pretty well for 2 bottles of wine, a couple shots of vodka and tequila.”

“Oh shut up. No one asked if you were good at drinking.”

“Technically, I think you did. You said I was complete shit at drinking so you did ask.”

“Whatever. I’m done with trying to talk to you.”

“As you wish.”

I left as one of my friends called me over and through the corner of my eye, I saw Jooheon stagger out. I talked with my friends for a bit until I wanted to go out for a smoke. I had walked out to the front of the venue and took out my cigarette when I heard someone desperately plead,

“Please…Don’t.”

I creeped to the back and found that bastard, Jaehee on Jooheon. I knew that once Jooheon got a little drunk, he always got a little weaker and wasn’t able to push someone off correctly. I was right, Jooheon was desperately trying to push Jaehee away and pull himself out, but he couldn’t because he was pinned onto the wall by Jaehee. I grabbed the cunt’s shoulder, pulling him off of Jooheon. I growled,

“Sup bitch? Needed someone to make out with? You really are a slut.”

“This is interesting....did you want a threesome?”

“Fuck off bitch. No one wants you here. Get a hint dumbass. Remember that marker I told you about earlier today? If you’re so desperate, I’ll give you that marker so you can shove it up your ass.”

He walked off speechless. Jooheon crouched on the floor with his eyes watery. His lip was trembling and his breathing was quick. He looked like he was going to cry from shock as he tried getting his breathing back to a normal state. 

“I thought I told you to stop drinking. Look at what happened now.”

He growled,

“Are you satisfied now that you’ve proved your point?”

“No, I’m saying, what if you were drinking at a place when I wasn’t there and he showed up? You become so weak when alcohol gets you. Normally, people get more energetic with alcohol in them.”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Why can’t I care?”

He stood up angrily,

“Because you’re my ex and you should be hating me every single moment. Because I hate you. Because I don’t care about you now. Because we are now just strangers.”

I raised my eyebrow at his ring on his finger,

“Nice ring you got there. Where is it from?”

He stomped off in frustration back into the building. 

I came back in after I was done with my cigarette and Shownu informed,

“Jooheon left a few minutes ago.”

“Good, he looked drunk.”

Shownu sighed as he sat into a chair. I took a couple more shots of vodka until it was getting late. I was stressed from today and wanted to just sleep. When I arrived home, it was around nine-thirty I got a text from one of my friends,

“Hey, want to go clubbing tomorrow night?”

I sent back a quick  _ yes  _ and fell asleep on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I've been making a bunch of new characters to make Jooheon and I.M's bond a little stronger before anything. I decided to use my last chapter for a little bit of an epilogue if that's what you want to call it. I've been searching for new ships with different members for fanfics so it would be great if you can comment your ships down. Don't forget to leave kudos, comments and subscribe! It only takes a second!-Soybean_0514


	6. Why do I still?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! Honestly, this was supposed to be more emotional but I think it's going a whole different way. I don't really know at this point but enjoy this chapter!

5-26-2022-Changkyun 

I woke up like usual but realised I had fallen asleep in my dress shirt and pants. I sat up, uncomfortably and looked at my phone for the time. It was 11:06. I stood up and walked into the restroom. I looked like a complete mess ( _ but when did I ever NOT look like a mess?)  _ probably from the alcohol. I washed my face and took a bottle of water gulping it down in an instant. I checked my phone finding messages and missed calls.

Taek Yun-

“Don’t forget, you said you would go clubbing tonight! Meet me at my apartment at 9:45!”   
  


I laid back onto my couch but eventually had to go to my room to change. I changed into sweatpants, and a t-shirt.

(Author’s note: Just a T-Shirt for Changkyun. Yet for us it’s a Burberry shirt. He’s just flexin on us.)

I went through my twitter scrolling through my feed. I sat there for another 2 hours just scrolling through all my social media. I soon got up to fix something when I realised I had absolutely nothing in my fridge. I growled in frustration because of the fact that I was going to have to go out. I changed out of my sweatpants into jeans and another shirt. I grabbed my cap and slid on my tennis shoes.  _ I was going to make a quick run and come back.  _ I jogged out of the house and stopped in front of a cafe. I was craving a cup of coffee so I walked in. At the register, I met eyes with someone I wasn’t expecting to see. I looked at the wall and was met with the word, “ _ Traveler” Shit. Im Changkyun, you absolute dumbass. Why would you walk into a cafe before reading the damn name of the cafe?  _ Jooheon stood there staring back at me. He quickly went to the back and soon another employee came to the register. I quickly made my way to the register ordering an Iced Americano. I paid and sat down at the table in the corner. I looked around and saw that Jooheon was staring at me as he made which I think was my coffee. I stared right back at him as his eyes widened and he looked down to the espresso machine.  _ How cute. Wait, why do I still think he’s cute?! _ He poured my coffee into a plastic cup and put a label. He called out my number,

“Number 128, your iced americano is out.”

I walked up as he checked my order,

“You ordered a large iced americano with...no ice?!”

I put on a tight smile as I grabbed the coffee off of the counter,

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Enjoy your drink.”

He went to the back as I quickly walked out of there, sipping my coffee. _ Damn, he had some skills in making coffee. But again what wasn’t he skilled at? _ I walked to the grocery store feeling sort of dazed. I bought everything to last me around a week. I walked home and ended up just making myself ramen.

It was 9:25 and I had to start heading out. I dressed in ripped, tight black jeans and a dress shirt. I drove up to Taek Yun’s house as he greeted me. I asked,

“Are we going in my car?”

“Duh. We’ll look super cool in your Ferrari.”

“Bitch, you never told me I was going to have to drive your ass all the way there.”

“Does it look like I have a nice convertible?”

“That doesn’t mean that you have to... nevermind.”

“Thanks Kyunnie.”

“Eew don’t call me that. You sound hella gay.”

I was in no place to call him “gay” from the amount of cringy-ass names I had called Jooheon but I just went with my words.

“Oh shut up.”

We drove for around 20 minutes until we pulled up to the club. We easily entered and I immediately walked over to the bar. I had no intention of dancing but knew that he was going to bug me until I went. Right then a familiar figure sat next to me. Not Jooheon. (Which I wished it was right at that moment.) It was that snake Jaehee. I gulped down a shot wiping my mouth with the sleeve, glaring at him. 

“Whoa, chill.”

I didn’t respond as I gulped down another shot from fury. He placed his hand on my thigh as I shoved it off. I stood up and walked to another seat. A bartender put down a drink indicating to the bastard sitting 7 seats down. I pushed the drink back nearly tipping it over. The bitch came over asking,

“Why turn it down? Thought you liked drinks.”

“You look like the type of person who would drug a drink to spend the night in bed with them.”

“Come on, do you actually think I would do that?”

“Yes. You really look like bitches who do that kind of shit.”

I stood back up walking to the dance floor to find Taek Yun. I found him and he asked in a surprised tone,

“What’s up? Isn't normal of you to join me on the dance floor.”

“Just.”

I stood next to him with my arms crossed as a group of women came near. They were asking questions to me and Taek yun. I continued to ignore as Taek Yun got carried away with questions leaving me standing alone. I went back to the bar, hoping that two-headed snake was gone. Luckily he was nowhere in sight as I sat down for another shot. I was having way too many drinks if I’m being honest. Maybe it was because I saw Jooheon two days in a row when I haven’t seen him for two years. I had my head down when someone’s hand was placed dangerously near someplace where a hand should not normally be placed. My head struck up to Jaehee who had grabbed near my crotch. I threw his hand off and stood up, knocking over the chair which made everyone’s head turn to us from the noise. I was done with him. I couldn’t handle him grabbing any part of me but right then Jooheon’s desperate whimpers ringed in my ear from yesterday night.

I had snapped but managed to hold back all my intentions of screaming into his face. Instead I stood up and calmly asked in a loud tone so everyone could hear,

“You’re one sick, little cunt. Do you like grabbing me like that? Why do you have an obsession with me? You realise this is sexual assault and that is a felony? Nevermind your dumbass wouldn’t understand a word whether I explain it to you or not. Why do you obsess over people so desperately? If you want to have sex next time pay someone to feed your desperate ass.”

Everyone gawked at me as I felt a wave of emotions hit me. I grabbed a drink off the counter splashing it on his face and shirt. I turned to leave but I didn’t feel satisfied,

“Don’t ever come near me again, don’t touch me, and even more don’t touch any of my members. You little creep.”

Everyone started whispering as I walked out. I left my car there but I was too drunk to drive anyway. I trudged down the streets when I slammed into someone. I looked up and there was Jooheon sprawled across the floor.

“Shit, that hurts.”

5-26-2022-Jooheon

I met eyes with Changkyun , who had just walked into my cafe. I walked into the back, asking one of my other employees to take the order for me. I got the order as I took the shot of espresso. I mixed it with water and stared at Changkyun who sat in the corner of the cafe. I poured the coffee into the coffee as I stared straight until he looked my way. I looked back down to the plastic cup to find the plastic cup overflowing. I quickly placed down paper towels on the counter and floor. I took another tissue to wipe off the side of the cup. I put on the lid calling his number.

“Number 128, your iced americano is out.”

He walked up to the counter as I checked his order.

“You ordered a large iced americano with...no ice?!”

_ The fuck? An iced Americano with no ice? He could have just ordered a regular americano. _ He put on a tight smile.

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Enjoy your drink.”

I sighed a sigh of relief as he left. I collapsed into a stool as Somi came up,

“Why did you ask me to take the order? Don’t you want to talk to your member?”

“I-nevermind. I just didn’t feel like it.”

_ Why was he coming into my life again? He was running everything I had blocked off for two years.  _ The feelings were rising back. I felt even worse that I was hiding this from Sohee for two years.  _ She would understand right? _ I texted Sohee,

“Can we meet up after I’m done?”

“Yeah, I’ll see you soon.”

I was going to need to tell her the truth sometime. 

It was 9:19 and we were near closing time. I asked Somi,

“Can you wrap it up for me? I have something to do. Sorry.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Thanks.”

I left the cafe and strolled to Sohee’s apartment. I stood in front of her apartment waiting for her. She came out with a smile and questioned,

“Why did you want to see me?”

I took a deep breath,

“I had something I really have to tell you. It’s a really big deal and I should have told you earlier.”

“What is it? You can tell me anything. You know I love you no matter what.”

“Can we go in?”

“Sure.”

We walked into her apartment and I sat down on a chair as she sat down into her couch.

“I actually used to date....Changkyun. I know I should have told you earlier but I didn’t know how to. I’m so sorry. But that doesn't mean I never loved you. And yes, that’s why we disbanded.”

She stared at me in disbelief. She rose from her seat.

“You are one sick gay-bitch! How could you just lie to my face like that? And you’re still here going to church every Sunday acting holy? You retarded gay...Get out you bastard. I don’t want your gay-lying-ass in my house.”

“Sohee, I’m so sorry.”

“I feel so disgusted that I had dated you for 2 years. No, the fact that I had known you for 20-something years.” 

I grabbed her wrist but she turned around and a sharp slap went against my face. I couldn’t handle it. The moment from two years ago came back, haunting me once again. The moment when I had gotten slapped by Shownu. The moment when everything started crumbling. I ran out of the house but slowed down as I had gotten to the street. I trudged down the night street and looked at my phone which showed 10:06. I was tired and just wanted to go home. I suddenly bumped into a lean figure. I was sprawled onto the floor as he laid on the floor. I muttered,

“Shit, that hurts.”

I looked up to Changkyun who reeked of alcohol. I asked,

“Changkyun?”

“Hyung?”

He hadn’t called me hyung in a while so it felt strange. I hoisted him back to his feet and dusted his shirt off. He suddenly leaned his head onto my shoulder and I felt the shoulder of my shirt get wet. I asked in disbelief,

“Are you crying?”

He didn’t reply as he quietly sniffled. I didn’t know what to do. He was crying and completely drunk. I didn’t even take him home because I obviously didn’t know his address. I sighed,

“Give me your address, I’ll take you home.”

He didn’t respond once again as he was too drunk to even understand my sentence. I thought about leaving him there on the streets but that would be a little too harsh. I took one of his arms and put it around my shoulder. I grunted as he stumbled. 

“This is why you shouldn’t drink.”

He leaned on me pulling me a little down as I struggled to catch myself. I mumbled,

“Nice job, look at what I’m doing because of your drunk ass.”

We walked all the way to my apartment with him constantly stumbling as I walked up to the building. I had made my way to the elevator when I realised that the damn elevator was out of service. I sighed once more as I took Changkyun up 3 flights of stairs. I opened the door and threw him and myself onto the couch as I wiped my forehead. I panted and reached for a bottle of water as Changkyun laid still on the couch. I walked into the restroom and turned on the water for a shower. I walked out back to the living room to grab my phone as I saw Changkyun on the couch. This guy was 27 and still couldn’t take care of his own self. I went into my bedroom and reached for my blanket and pillow. I brought them into the living room and carefully lifted his head to put the pillow underneath his head. I softly laid his head back then took the blanket and draped it over his lean body. I didn’t even think about what would happen in the morning. Now I think that maybe it was me who was drunk for bringing my ex into my apartment. _ Lee Jooheon, please think next time because the consequences can get pretty big _ .


	7. Because I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for uploading it a little late but enjoy!

5-27-2022-Changkyun POV

I woke up to an unfamiliar room. My head was throbbing and I was just confused. Jooheon came out of the kitchen and mumbled,

“You’re awake.”

“Wait, why the fuck am I here?”

“Because you passed out on the streets last night. Do you really not remember? You blacked out on me after crying and you refused to tell me your damn address.”

“Sorry.”

I was completely embarrassed and couldn’t remember anything. He walked toward the hallway,

“I’m going to shower so if you’re going to throw up, go to the other restroom. It’s going to be on your left.”

He walked out and I couldn’t breathe until he finally left. I sank into the sofa and hid my face under the blanket.  _ Shit. Shit. Shit. _ I kicked in the blanket and just wanted to hide in a damn hole. I saw a text from Kihyun hyung last night,

“I’m right now near your flat. Wanna have a drink?”

I texted back,

“Sorry I wasn’t home. I was drinking out with one of my friends.”

“Changkyun I saw your article yesterday, what do you mean he was TOUCHING YOU IN PLACES HE SHOULDN'T BE? I’m coming over right now!”

He ended up calling me,

“I’ll be over in fifteen minutes. How can you get into a scandal right before your concerts?”

“Hyung, don’t come over.”

“WHY THE FUCK NOT?”

“Stop, you’re acting like a mom.”

“ANSWER MY QUESTION.” 

“I’m....I’m not home right now.”

“Where are you then?”

“I’m actually in Jooheon hyung’s flat right now.”

“The fuck? Why are you in his flat?”

“Long story.”

“Tell me.”

“Well I bumped into him in the streets and kind of blacked out.”

“I’m banning you from alcohol. What if you hadn’t bumped into him?”

“I know.”

“Ok I’m ending the call now.”

I heard muffled noises in the background until he ended the call. All of a sudden the doorbell rang. Jooheon yelled from the restroom,

“Changkyun, get the door for me! I’ll be there in a minute.”

I walked toward the door and opened the door. There was a girl who ranted as soon as I opened the door,

“How could you not even call me once last ni-”

She stared at me in disbelief as Jooheon came out drying his hair with a towel and asked,

‘Who is it?”

His eyes widened as he met eyes with the girl. I stood in between them as they just stared at each other. Finally she spoke up and said,

“Wow so now you’re back with your ex in your apartment?”

“It’s not what it looks like. I swear.”

“I’m done with your gay ass.”

“Babe. He was drunk and-”

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“If you would let me explain instead of always walking off like that maybe I could actually have the nerve to call you.”

“You little bitch!”

Her hand went flying toward Jooheon’s face and Jooheon just closed his eyes. Right before it could go anywhere near his cheeks, I grabbed her wrist as she shouted,

“Jooheon, you’re so lucky that you have a boyfriend that can protect you from anything. Have a fun time sucking each other’s dick. And I never wanted you from the first place.”

I started to close the door as she turned around. I stopped right before fully closing it and stuck my head out,

“Great. He never wanted you either!”

Jooheon sighed as he walked into the living room. His phone started to ring,

“Hi Kihyun hyung. What’s up?”

“Is it true that you’re with Changkyun right now?”

He glanced at me as I looked away,

“Yeah. I brought him home with me when he blacked out on me last night.”

“Do you know what happened to him last night? Did he cause you any trouble?”

“Nah, I don’t exactly know why he was crying but he was. Actually yes, I had to drag the kid with me from that street all the way to my apartment. If that wasn’t exhausting the elevator had to be out of order so I carried him up 3 flights of stairs.”

“You’re going to take him home right?”

“Yup I’m going to take him home on my way to work.”

I was drinking water when he mentioned me crying which caused water to spill all over my shirt and jeans. Jooheon glanced as I started coughing and answered a question I didn’t hear.

“Yeah, he seemed fine until he managed to spill water all over himself. I’m gonna have to end the call now because he’s completely soaked.”

He ended the call and walked over,

“I’ve never seen someone fail that miserably at drinking water.”

I didn’t reply as he dragged me into his bedroom. He tossed me a t-shirt and sweatpants and said,

“Those should fit since we’re around the same height.”

He left the room for me to change. I quickly changed and came out as he rushed,

‘Come on, I’m already late for work. I’ll drive you to your house. What’s your address?”

He got out his phone to insert my address in his google maps. I told him my address and we got into his car and he asked,

“How do you feel?”

I answered thinking he knew what happened with Jaehee,

“Well pretty disgusting since that cunt Jaehee came around touching my damn crotch. How would you feel if he touched you like that?”

“Um...first of all, to answer your question, yes I would feel disgusted too, especially knowing that it’s Jaehee. Second of all, I was kind of asking about health-wise since you were drinking.”

“Oh.”

My face grew red as I looked out the window. We arrived at my house and I got out of the car.

“Thanks hyung.”

“Stop drinking.”

“Ok, ok.”

“If you feel sick Kihyun hyung said give him a call but I would recommend not because that motherly side of him is just going to bring out a thirty minute lecture.”

“Well what if I do feel sick?”

“You’re just going to have to bear those thirty minutes.”

He soon drove off and I looked at my driveway and my car was returned back. There was a note on my front door that read,

“Your car key is under your doormat. I was thinking of keeping my car but with your temper, that wasn’t going to end well. I’m just kidding. Sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have asked you to go clubbing.-Taek yun” I reached under my door mat and found my car key. I walked into my house and tossed the keys onto my chair. I got a call from Kihyun hyung  **again,**

“Changkyun?”

“Hey hyung.”

“How can you get so drunk that you ended up sleeping over at your ex’s house?”

“I don’t really remember and my head is throbbing.”

“You want me to come over?”

“Nah, I’ll just take some pain relievers.”

“First it was sleeping pills because you couldn’t sleep now it’s alcohol addiction?”

“I’m not an addict.”

“I know. It’s just that you’re drinking way too much these days.”

“I’ll try to minimize it as much as I can. It just hurts you know?”

“I get it but just try to minimize it.”

“Okay.”

I ended the call and laid on my bed. I had my concert starting from next week and I would be making my way to Japan, China, America and Europe. I brought out my laptop and went to naver. I glanced at the top 5 most searched and saw my article in third place.

“Former boy group, Monsta X’s lead rapper/maknae, I.M was at a club in Gangnam when this outburst happened. A man was seen around I.M and was said by witnesses that he was found touching and sexually assaulting I.M.”

I closed the tab not wanting to read about it anymore. I should have handled it in a different way to avoid scandals. Kihyun was right. I was a dumbass for creating a scandal a week before my concert. 

It was around 10 and I had nothing to do so I thought I’d pay Kihyun a visit. I drove over to his house and I knew his passcode so I walked in. It wasn’t like I was intruding or anything since I normally just walked in. However today was different. Normally Kihyun would be in his living room on his phone or watching TV but he wasn’t. The lights were turned off and I saw a dim ray of light come from his bedroom. I looked down and saw an extra pair of shoes. I heard muffled noises from the bedroom. I took off my shoes and creeped toward the door. I heard unclear noises and I opened the door to see a sight I would never forget. Minhyuk had his forearm against the wall above Kihyun’s head with them kissing each other. Minhyuk and Kihyun hyung turned their heads toward me as I stood there speechless. Kihyun stammered,

“Oh...I didn’t know you were going to come over.”

Minhyuk looked away as I muttered,

“Yeah, have a beautiful night together. I didn’t mean to interrupt. Sorry.”

I left the house and drove off in my car. Feeling lonely as hell I arrived home laying on my couch. I grabbed my suitcase and packed a few things for the concert and got out some clothes. I hadn’t noticed that I was wearing Jooheon hyung’s clothes the whole day. I didn’t really know his number and I hadn't taken notice of his address so I didn’t know how to give it back to him. I scrolled through my twitter feed and took notice of monbebes that were fuming about the scandal. I felt better that they were there for me and understood everything. I smiled and turned off my phone. It had been a crappy week but at least someone was actually on my side.

5-27-2022-Jooheon POV

I had finally lost it. In just 12 hours I managed to fuck up everything. In those 12 hours I had my ex sleep over in my apartment, had my girlfriend come over and see us together, not to mention, Changkyun’s shirt was like half unbuttoned. Now I didn’t have a girlfriend, she thought I had slept with my damn ex, and I had managed to fuck up 6 orders just today. I went to Naver and saw the most searched today and in third place,

“Former boy group, Monsta X’s lead rapper/maknae, I.M was at a club in Gangnam when this outburst happened. A man was seen around I.M and was said by witnesses that he was found touching and sexually assaulting I.M.”

_ That bitch.  _ I knew it was Jaehee with no doubt. It was around 9:30 and I told Somi and Ji-hoon to leave a little earlier. I sat in an empty chair with anger rising in me. I grabbed my things, turned the lights off and locked the door. I walked out to my car and got out my phone. I had Jaehee’s number from when he contacted me before so I called him up. 

First Ring: No answer

Second Ring: No answer

Third Ring: No answer

Fourth Ring: No-

“Hello?”

“It isn’t likely of you to be calling first.”

“Shut the fuck up. We have to meet.”

“Why? Guess you saw the article?”

“Yes, I did. Let’s meet up.”

“Where do you want to meet?”

“I don’t know, anywhere.”

“Great, I’ll text you my address.”

The call ended and I knew I was getting myself into trouble. I got a text from the little cunt with an address.I drove over to a house assuming it was his house. I rang the doorbell and walked in as the door opened. I flew questions as soon as I saw his face. 

“Why did you touch him?”

“You’re getting right to your business aren’t you?”

“Answer the damn question.”

“I think I have freedom over what I choose to do.”

“You realise that’s a felony. Why are you trying to give the kid a scandal right before his-”

“Yes I do know since Changkyun told me that last night. By the way, if you wanted to prevent scandals for him, you shouldn’t have dated him.”

“Huh?”

A phone screen was in my face as I read the title of the article.

“Former boy group Monsta X’s two rappers found to be dating before disbandment.”

_ No. This was not happening. Not right before Changkyun’s concerts. Come on. This could possibly be the end of everything. _

I got up and left the house. I got into my car and drove back to my house not knowing what to do. I layed on my couch and looked out the window. It started raining a few minutes ago and it was pouring now. I called Kihyun hyung who didn’t pick up. I called Shownu hyung who didn’t pick up either, nor did Minhyuk hyung. I called Hyungwon hyung who picked up immediately,

“Hello?”

“Jooheon? What is the article?”

“I don’t know how it got up. I don’t think anybody really knew.”

“Hello? Jooheon? You there?”

“Huh? Yeah.”

“Does Changkyun know?”

“I’m not sure, I don’t have his number.”

“Here I’ll call him. I’ll talk to you later.”

Hyungwon hyung called back after a few minutes,

“Hello? Hyung?”

“So Changkyun never read the article but he is right now. Do you have any idea of who might have gotten the press involved?”

“No. I don’t really know.”

“Ok well if you have to talk to Changkyun, I’ll send you his number.”

“Huh?”

I looked at the phone number and slowly dialed it in. On the second ring someone picked up,

“Hello?”

It was Changkyun’s voice.

“Hi this is Jooheon-”

“Did you see the article hyung?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“I don’t know what I’m going to do. Starship is going to kill me.”

“They’re not going to kill you.”

“Hyung, I was thinking of that girl that was at your house earlier today.”

I hadn’t thought of Sohee.  _ Shit. _

“Hold on, I’ll try and call her.”

She didn’t pick up and I guessed that she had blocked me. I called Changkyun back up.

“She isn’t picking up.”

“She isn’t?”

“What are you going to do about Jaehee?”

“No, I’m not worried about that. This is more important because it can ruin your reputation.”

The words repeated in my head; ‘ _ your reputation’ _ .

“You idiot. Why are you caring about my reputation? You have a concert in a week- no now a few days.”

“Because I can handle it.”

“Well I can handle it too. You realise you’re caring more about your ex’s reputation right now. Your ex is the dumbass who decided he was going to tell his girlfriend about what happened between us. That’s how the news got out. You’re in Korea. Gay celebrities aren’t welcome.”

“I know. I hate you to death right now but I don’t think cursing at you and yelling through the phone is going to change anything right now. And if I didn’t want a possibility of the news going out, I shouldn’t have dated you in the first place.”

“I’m telling you that no one is going to want to be associated with you. There is going to be homophobic bitches that would discriminate.”

“Well thank goodness I have someone else who will go through it with me.”

“I’m not going to be as out there as you are. That means I’m not going to have a bunch of people on me torturing me. I own a damn cafe while you are a celebrity who has a concert next week.”

“So? What’s the difference? It all hurts the same. It hurts equally. No matter what, it’s going to be painful. Do you not think I know you? You can’t even handle me calling you obnoxious sometimes and you’re going to try to get through a bunch of homophobes who are probably going to say things at least 1000 times worse than that?”

“I am now 28 and I think I can handle a few bitches come up to me and say a few words. It’s probably gonna hurt but any kind of hate is going to hurt. How am I supposed to fix the way I am?”

“I want a  **_‘I can’_ ** from you not an ‘I think’. Until you’re 100% sure you’re going to be fine, I’m not ending this call.”

“How can I be sure? Can you be sure about anything in the future you can but I’m 99% sure.”

“That’s not a 100%.”

“Why are you so worried about me?”

“Because I fucking love you. No matter how many times I wanted to just get rid of you, I can’t. I can’t hate you. I don’t really know. I’m just trying to leave you but I can’t. I can’t move on. For the past two years I’ve tried to drink it off, I tried to smoke it off, I’ve tried to cry it off but I can’t. I want to never see you again but I saw you walk into that cafe two years ago, I saw you at Shownu hyung’s wedding, I saw you at that reception party, I saw you struggle with Jaehee. Why do I worry so much? Have you seen the way you struggled to push that cunt off? You couldn’t even tell him no correctly. If I’m being honest, you don’t know how to block off negativity. You let it get to you everytime. That’s why I’m fucking worried about you all the time.”

I didn’t know what to say. Changkyun stayed quiet on the other side and we were both speechless. Changkyun muttered,

“If that answers your question, I’ll get going.”


End file.
